Monday Blog 3/2/15

It seems that what started as a weekly blog is now turning into a monthly one.  I need to do better at this but quite frankly I won’t.  Struggling to find the right words to express how I feel a lot of the time is really hard for me and February is a prime example of it.  Its a bad month for me.  Generally its cold and miserable and honestly bad.  Its when I’m usually broke and when things are pretty awful for me mentally and physically.  Last month had its shares of difficulty and really I was too despressed to function through the month.  I still am  I’m still very cold and not really on the level where I want to be writing wise.  I’ve finished book two and its at the editors right now and so I should be working on book three.  I have plenty ideas for that novel I just can’t get my work together to start doing any work.  I just feel tired from all the work that I have been doing.  I want to believe its getting somewhere but I just feel like I’m working so slowly.

I’ve been adding cons.  We’ve added two different ones one for this month in Myrtle Beach.  Dad has rented a place for a month and we will be there for a week capping off with a con.  We were also invited to Imgiunaium in September.  I’m told this is a big event and I’m pretty excited.  Its only fitting.  Its Louisville, KY.  Its sort of odd for me that I’m starting to be guided this year to places like Johnson City and Louisville.  Maybe mom could be less subtle or thats what I think.  It makes me miss her more really.

I’m sadden by the passing of Leonard Nimoy because of his voice work in Civilization.  Its one of my happier memories of living in poverty.  Hal gave me a copy Civilization with his work.  It was very nice of him.  I’m not sure how I feel about Shatner telling the world that he wasn’t going to the funeral.  I don’t think that I can judge.  We all deal with grief differently.  I went to class the day after my mother died because I didn’t know what else to do.  One of the Facebook groups that I belong to had a discussion about this last night.  its so very easy for us to pass judgement on people we don’t know and especially since we think they are apart of our family.  They are not. I think that’s a problem of being in nerd culture.  We want a family and that what we love is so important and the people with we are important to them as they are to us.  They are just people and that’s hard for us to understand.  I want to believe its the internet.  I truly do.  We are in a safe place to complain about our lives and we can pretend what we say means something.  My faith gets restored at Cons.  ETSUCon was one of the best experience we had because it was so new to everyone.  I’ve never seen so many people enjoy themselves and happy to be there.  Is it because we’re jaded?   I ask because the discussion on I explained how I understood why Shatner would be willing forget the funeral with the experiences I had with mother’s passing.  Someone told me they understood school over “just a funeral”.  My mother’s death was profound for me.  I think that a death that close to you is profound and something like “just a funeral” is someone who hasn’t experience death.  Still….

We’ll hope things get better.  Here’s hoping March is better.

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