Addendum to Hungry Ghosts

As of this evening the family of Robin Williams has issued a statement that the beloved comedian was starting into the early stages of Parkinson disease.  As such the notion that things might have been much more different.  I do not under any circumstances change any of my words from the above referenced entry.  As I said, it was something that I have been working to say out loud for some time and it was born out of frustration.  I don’t want to besmerch anyone who thinks they can help someone with serious mental illness like depression but its important to remember its about as much as the sufferers needs and wants as it is for everyone else.  I know those days when it just feels too hard to breath deeply and all you want to do is embrace the void.  Even in those dark hours all the love in the world doesn’t mean anytihng to me.  However that being said its the notion of having a reason to hold on.  We as a society have a tendancy to handle people with mental illness with kid gloves because who knows when we’ll go off.  I understand that as I go through recovery that my husband who has been there during the worst of it is yet to understand that its not that way anymore hasn’t recovered to what he calls the house of booby traps.  But what about the person in recovery just need to know they’re useful and people.

That being said let me move on for a moment.  I’m not going to pass judgement but as more comes to light the more I understand.  When I was starting off to high school, my mother had told me the story of her cousin who had killed herself after finding out that she was no longer in remission for brain cancer.  She’d gone through very serious chemo only to have a tumor to go through it again.  After spending nearly twenty years of watching her father slowly die and then her mother, my mother made me promise that I would do the right thing when she ever got that bad.  The right thing is to let her die with an ounce of dignity.  One of my major regrets is that I didn’t let that happen.  She knew what she wanted and we didn’t do right.  Regardless, I will say that its the same thing.  I will be more comfortable making a statement when I get a chance too know more but honestly I guess things aren’t what they seem.  What seemed like a wave of a man who couldn’t cope with his own depression could have been someone who didn’t want to suffer through the pain of watching himself deteriorate and become a burden.  Maybe the will to survive dropped out at the notion of a disease.  Either way time will tell and all we can do is hope and ray for peace and rest for those who are left behind.

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